In this video message, we are exploring what happens when we don’t get what we need. It ends up being manipulation at its finest. 

We have innate needs for relationships. Those relationships pour into our lives. When our needs go unnoticed, it sets us back, and we can feel our weaknesses. 

Ephesians 4:20 

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit all who listen.”

In this message, we are focusing on “building others up according to their needs.”

Here are the needs of each temperament. If you haven’t taken the temperament assessment, you can take it here:

Yellow Innate Needs:  Sanguines (yellow)






Red Innate Needs (Cholerics) 

Innate Needs: 


Sense of Control 


Credit for Work

Green  Innate Needs: (Phlegmatics) 

Innate Needs: 


Feeling of Worth 

Lack of Stress 


Blue Innate Needs: (Melancholics) 

Innate Needs: 




Space and Silence 

Manipulation – to influence, especially in an unfair manner 

Red (Cholerics) Manipulate in ways of 

Manipulate with tone and volume

Tone- Harsh or biting comments 

Volume- Angry outburst, yelling. 

Yellow (Sanguines) Manipulate in ways of

Manipulate with Charm and Flattery

Charm- Elaborating or exaggerating, being over the top 

Flattery- Phony or excessive praise of others

Green (Phlegmatics) Manipulate in ways of

Manipulate with procrastination and stubbornness. 

Procrastination- Delaying or ignoring responsibilities

Stubbornness- Reusing to converse or compromise. 

Blue (Melancholics) Manipulate in ways of

Manipulate with moods and silence. 

Moods- Being judgmental, critical, or self-deprecating

Silence- Being disengaged, unwilling to talk to or hear from others.

What happens when we are not getting those needs met? We begin to manipulate those we are in relationships with. What we are giving them is not healthy stuff. We manipulate to get our needs met. 

In this message, you will walk away with these three things. 

  • An awareness of our needs

  • Knowledge of how we act when our needs are not met. 

  • An awareness of when we are manipulating so that we don’t drain those we are in relationships with.  

Studies show that when we are aware of how we act and react that relationships can be healthier and not cease to exist. At West church, we hope to give you the tools you need to have thriving relationships. 

Sanguines (yellow) speak the language of fun to a reckless point. 

Cholerics (red)  speak the language of power by using volume and harsh, biting words. 

Melancholics (blue) speak the language of perfection by responding with perfect silence.

Phlegmatics (green) speak the language of calm by refusing to take any action at all. 

Recognition is crucial and will change everything! 

Far too often, when our relationships are not what they need to be, we look at the other person instead of recognizing ourselves. When our needs go unmet, it may seem like a good thing to “be silent’ or “charming,” . . .but actually – those are selfish actions, and we are prioritizing our own needs instead of the needs of others. To be like Jesus – it’s about the other person, offering love. To do that – we need to be more self-aware. 

This message series will help us to be aware!

Next time we notice that our relationships are not where they need to be, we should ask ourselves some questions. Promise yourself now to ask these questions. 


What part do I play in this 

What unfilled need is causing this reaction 

What could I have said or done differently?

Step into your strengths! Bring peace and harmony to our relationships. 

If we will own it and acknowledge it, give voice to it, we will fix those things.