Are you filling up the relationships you are in or are you the cause of emptiness?

A huge part of Kathleen Edelman’s work “I Said This, You Heard That” focuses on “what makes us tick.” Our innate wiring causes us to act and react how we do once we understand the “why,” we can certainly learn to use our words differently.

Sunday, we shared questions in the message you can ask yourself to see if your innate needs are being met. Those will be listed below.

One thing we must also challenge ourselves with is not just thinking through, “Am I meeting my needs?” But . . . . if we are going to apply this to the teachings of Christ, we must also take these statements and apply them to those that we are in relationships with.

For instance, many of the staff are green. They need harmony, a sense of worth, being heard and valued, and respect.

I’m yellow. I need acceptance, appreciation, affection, and approval.

If I sit around thinking about, “Are they showing me acceptance?”

“Are they giving me enough attention/affection?” (Well, with the staff, that would be weird, but you get my point!)

If all I do is focus on whether or not others are “doing for me,” I miss a key component in life and following Jesus.

It isn’t all about us. While self-care is hugely important, we are also called to care for and love others. (All others!)

If I’m focused on being a solid leader and great boss, I need to be spending the most amount focusing on trying to meet their needs as a leader while we work together to achieve the mission.

One way we each can learn to be in better relationships with those we love is to look at what their needs are and then ask ourselves, “Am I filling their needs or causing them to feel empty?”

Example:

For the staff, I need to ask, “Am I giving them what they need so that they can do their job smoothly?”

“Am I communicating to them their value and celebrating them for the unique gifts they bring to the team and the church?”

“Am I trying to keep conflict to a minimum?”

“Am I hearing them, being an active listener so that they feel their opinions are valued and heard?”

Below are the ways the different temperaments gauge if their needs are being met or not.

Take the questions and then ask yourself, “Am I meeting the needs of those I love?”

It will make a difference in the way we relate to one another. If we focus on loving others instead of just ourselves, I promise, our lives will be far richer, and we will be more at peace.

Let’s try it today!

Yellow

I feel liked for who I am, flaws and all.

I am often included or invited by others.

People give me focused attention and eye contact.

I am noticed and acknowledged by those closest to me.

Red

The people closest to me hold me in high regard and always have my back.

Everything is going according to (my) plan, and everyone is doing what they should be doing.

I feel valued for my individuality and unique contributions (at home, at work, in relationships).

Whatever I put energy and effort into is recognized and appreciated.

Green

I get enough time to relax each day because things are running smoothly.

People around me value and celebrate me for my talents and traits.

I am not engaged in conflict or being pressured by anyone else.

My views and opinions are heard and valued.

Blue

I feel secure in my surroundings and can trust those closest to me.

The people around me demonstrate thoughtful consideration of my feelings.

People advocate for my interests and look after my needs.

There are times each day that are uninterrupted and undisturbed by noise or people.

A huge part of Kathleen Edelman’s work “I Said This, You Heard That” focuses on “what makes us tick.” Our innate wiring causes us to act and react how we do once we understand the “why,” we can certainly learn to use our words differently.