Breaking Up Is Hard To Do
# Breaking Up with Your Defense Mechanisms
**Scripture**: *”Then the man said, ‘Let me go, for it is daybreak.’ But Jacob replied, ‘I will not let you go unless you bless me.'”* – Genesis 32:26
Have you ever noticed how your “go-to” defense moves actually keep you from growing?
Like when I prep for every possible scenario before a meeting – not just normal preparation, but elaborate contingency plans for things that will probably never happen. It’s exhausting.
These patterns remind me of Jacob at the Jabbok River. Here’s this guy who spent his whole life manipulating and maneuvering – always one step ahead, always working an angle. It was brilliant really. Until it wasn’t.
Wiest writes about this in her chapter on defense mechanisms: *”What protected you then may be paralyzing you now.”* She explains how our protective patterns, though once lifesaving, can become life-limiting.
**The Sacred Wrestling Match**
Jacob’s story fascinates me because it’s raw and real. Here’s a man who built his entire identity around staying safe through control and cunning. Then one night, he meets someone he can’t outsmart or outmaneuver. He has to wrestle.
And isn’t that what happens when we start dismantling our defenses? We wrestle with questions like:
– Who am I without my protective walls?
– What if vulnerability isn’t weakness?
– How do I stay safe while being real?
**When Safety Becomes a Cage**
Psychologist Donald Winnicott talks about how we develop a “false self” to protect our “true self.” Think about it – we learned these patterns for good reasons:
– Perfectionism protected us from criticism
– People-pleasing kept us from rejection
– Control helped us feel secure in chaos
But like Jacob’s limp after wrestling with God, sometimes our defenses leave marks that remind us: transformation costs something.
**Finding New Ways to Feel Safe**
Wiest suggests that real safety isn’t about perfect defense but about deeper trust. Jacob emerged from his wrestling match with a new name, a new walk, and a new way of being. He learned that blessing sometimes comes through struggle.
For me, this looks like:
– Admitting when I don’t know something
– Letting others see my imperfect process
– Trusting God’s presence more than my preparations
**Prayer**:
God of the wrestling match, thank You for meeting us in our struggle. Help us see where our defenses have become our prison. Give us courage to let go of patterns that no longer serve us, trusting that Your presence is safer than our protection. Amen.
**Action Step**:
Identify one defensive pattern you’re ready to wrestle with. What would it look like to loosen its grip? Write down three small steps toward a new way of being.
**Closing Thought**:
Maybe, like Jacob, our breakthrough comes not from avoiding the struggle but from staying in it until it blesses us. Our defenses tell us to run; God invites us to wrestle.