Scripture: “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” – Proverbs 27:17
Have you ever had a friendship slowly fade and found yourself wondering why?
Nothing major happened. No blow-up. No drama. Just… distance. Fewer texts. Less chit chat. The patterns have changed, and honestly, you have no idea why.
You replay the conversations in your head. You scroll through old texts. And you wonder, Was it something I said? Did I miss a sign?
And – if we go down that rabbit hole long enough, we find ourselves wondering,
“Were they ever really my friend to begin with?”
It’s confusing. Sometimes heartbreaking. And all too common.
Then I heard Mel Robbins explain what she calls the Three Pillars of Friendship, and honestly, it brought clarity to several relationships that I really needed!
Here’s how she breaks it down:
Proximity – How physically close you are.
Frequency – How often you interact.
Energy – What it feels like when you’re together, either physically or verbally
Robbins says that when a friendship starts to feel “off,” it’s usually because one (or more) of these pillars is out of balance. And here’s the important part: all three matter.
Take proximity, for example. We underestimate how much just being nearby matters. When someone moves, changes jobs, or their daily rhythm no longer intersects with yours, the connection can thin—not because the love is gone, but because the context has changed. It’s not your fault. It’s not theirs. But it affects the friendship more than we like to admit.
Then there’s frequency. Friendships thrive on interaction. Even small moments—quick texts, spontaneous calls, shared memes—keep the thread alive. Without them, connection starts to fray. You don’t need constant contact, but you do need some.
And then comes the big one: energy.
Think back to your last few conversations with a friend. Did you leave feeling more centered, more alive, more seen? Or did you walk away feeling unsure, drained, maybe even questioning your worth?
That’s the energy pillar. And it tells the truth, even when we’re trying to explain it away.
Mel puts it simply: you either click, or you don’t.
And while that might sound harsh, it’s actually freeing. Because friendship isn’t about effort alone. It’s about mutuality. It’s about rhythm. It’s about how you show up for each other in ways that feel like truth, not performance.
Scripture puts it this way: “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” (Proverbs 27:17)
The right friendships shape you. They sharpen you. Not by grinding you down, but by drawing out your best. They offer challenge, but never confusion. Growth, but never exhaustion. If a friendship leaves you more tired than supported, it might be time to pause and take inventory.
So maybe today’s invitation is this:
Run your closest friendships through the three-pillar filter.
Do we share proximity in some way—physically, emotionally, spiritually?
Do we have frequency that keeps the connection alive?
And what’s the energy—do I leave interactions feeling more like myself, or less?
And if one of those pillars is off? It doesn’t mean the friendship is over. But it might mean it needs to shift. Maybe you name the change. Maybe you offer a reset. Or maybe, you simply accept what is—and release what was.
Grace and Peace,
Andrea