Scripture: “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor… If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.” – Ecclesiastes 4:9–10
Remember the BFF necklaces? (Ok, well if you are a guy, that’s not realistic . . . ) Maybe for you it was more of matching tattoos, hats, or hoodies . . .
Anyway, the term “BFF” is a real thing. And a real pressure.
Let’s just name it: the pressure to have a “best friend” in adulthood is real. And exhausting.
We’re taught early on that we “should” all have a best friend. It is everything: your emotional support system, constant companion, moral compass, therapist, memory-keeper, go-to vacation buddy, and daily confidante… all wrapped into one person. A one-stop-shop for all your belonging needs.
And maybe that worked when we were 10. When friendship meant sitting next to someone at lunch, riding bikes or playing outside after school, or sharing secrets at sleepovers.
But then life changed.
We got jobs. Families. Losses. Growth. Different zip codes. Different versions of ourselves. And suddenly, the idea of one person doing all of it doesn’t just feel unrealistic—it feels like a lot. And when we can’t find that one superhuman, we feel like a failure.
Research shows that only 40% of adults say they have “one” best friend.
Mel Robbins points out that the childhood idea of “best friend” is something that might not serve us well anymore. She doesn’t say deep friendship is wrong—but she invites us to let go of the pressure.
Here’s what she says:
“Best friend” as a title creates pressure. It implies someone should always be there, understand everything, and never drift. But that’s not real life. People change. Seasons change. That’s not a failure—it’s growth.
What if you don’t need one best friend, but instead a circle of people—each offering something different, each bringing out something beautiful in you?
One friend might be the one you call when you’re deep in your feelings.
Another is your “laugh until you cry” person.
Another knows your spiritual side.
Another hikes with you, no small talk needed. Or your “movie buddy” . . . you enjoy that small break from reality, together.
None of them have to carry it all. And you don’t have to either.
The truth? Expecting one person to meet every emotional, social, and spiritual need is a fast-track to disappointment or resentment. And if we’re honest, we’ve probably tried to be that person for someone else—and it left us worn out, confused, or silently drifting.
Adult life pulls us in different directions. And it doesn’t mean we’re failing at friendship. It means we’re evolving. We’re human.
So . . . take a look at your circle.
Who are the people who are best for you?
Who are the ones who bring peace, not pressure.
Connection, not confusion.
Joy, not judgment.
Ecclesiastes says “Two are better than one… for if either falls, the other can help them up.” But notice—it doesn’t say which two. It doesn’t say one specific, forever-only, person-who-never-disappoints-you.
It just says, HAVE someone. HAVE people.
So today, maybe give yourself permission to stop chasing the myth of the all-in-one “best friend.” Instead, take a look around and ask:
Who brings light into my day, even if it’s just in a short text?
Who challenges me in ways that grow me?
Who makes space for my evolving self?
Who, even at a distance, still feels like love?
And who puts up with my crap when I am not my best self?
You don’t need one person to be your everything.
You just need the right people to help you be more you.
And that? That’s more than enough.
Grace and Peace,
Andrea