Wrestling with God
Psalm 22:1-2 – “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from helping me, from the words of my groaning? O my God, I cry by day, but you do not answer, and by night, but find no rest.”
When faced with devastating loss, even the most robust faith can be shaken to its core.
C.S. Lewis (author of Chronicles of Narnia among many other writings) and Nicholas Wolterstorf (Nicholas Wolterstorff (1932-) an American philosopher and theologian who has made significant contributions to the philosophy of religion, epistemology, and aesthetics), both brilliant theologians, found their carefully constructed belief systems inadequate in the face of grief.
Their raw and honest writings offer a model for authentically wrestling with God in our deepest pain.
Lewis’s wife, Joy Davidman, died of cancer in 1960 at the age of 45. Her death left Lewis devastated and struggling with his faith.In “A Grief Observed,” written after her death, Lewis confronts God with searing questions: “Where is God?…Go to Him when your need is desperate, when all other help is vain, and what do you find? A door slammed in your face.”
Some would tell you that’s blasphemy. Anger with God? Absolutely not.
But Lewis was devastated.
“Talk to me about the truth of religion, and I’ll listen gladly. Talk to me about the duty of religion, and I’ll listen submissively. But don’t come talking to me about the consolations of religion or I shall suspect that you don’t understand.” (Lewis)
In 1983, Nicholas Wolterstorff’s 25-year-old son Eric died in a mountain climbing accident. Wolterstorff grappled with the philosophical and theological implications of this loss in his book “Lament for a Son.” I’ll never forget reading that for my seminary class, “The Problem of Good and Evil.” The writing was gut-wrenching, his words invited you into his grief.
Wolterstorff’s eloquent yet raw description of grief invites us into understanding grief as an expression of enduring love. He challenges the pressure to move on, vulnerably sharing how his son’s absence is felt in every moment. For Wolterstorff, lament (the passionate expression of grief, sorrow, or regret) is an act of faith – a way of holding onto God in the darkness.
“Faith is a footbridge that you don’t know will hold you up over the chasm until you’re forced to walk out onto it.”(Wolterstorff)
Both Lewis and Wolterstorff ultimately find a deeper, richer faith on the other side of their wrestling. It’s a faith that makes space for doubt and lament, trusting that God is big enough to handle our pain. They remind us that true comfort doesn’t come from having all the answers, but from encountering a God who meets us in the depths.
Reflection:
How might grief be an expression of love? What would it look like to walk onto the footbridge of faith in your own pain?
How have you experienced God’s presence in times of grief or doubt? What scriptures, practices, or relationships help you hold onto hope?
When have you experienced doubt in the face of suffering? How might God invite you to bring your raw emotions to Him?
Closing Prayer:
Gracious God,
When grief shakes us to the core,
Remind us that You are big enough to handle our doubts and questions.
Give us the courage to bring our whole selves to You,
Trusting that You meet us in the depths.
Help us to see lament as an act of love and wrestling as an act of faith.
May we, like Lewis and Wolterstorff, find a deeper hope on the other side of our pain.
In the name of Christ, who suffered and understands,
Amen.